Your daily joke can be found here – Wannabe Comic

I stopped eating healthy. I felt so good I didn’t recognize the feeling and thought something was wrong . . . 

When I was born and saw my dad for the first time in the hospital, I thought he’d be taller . . . 

My mom was a difficult person. At my dad’s funeral she wanted a closed casket. The family demanded it be open so everyone could pay their respects. She finally relented opening only the bottom half. Everyone said goodbye to his feet . . .  

I made a fortune in the stock market thanks to my dog. I’d mention a particular stock and if he barked once, I’d buy it. Twice, I wouldn’t . . .

I got a job working in a circus to pay for college. Eventually the college threw me out because I was followed by clowns all day . . .

My friend won the grand prize at a silent auction – a farm. Ten thousand boxes of dirt are being delivered to her apartment . . .

Recently I was trapped in a hotel elevator for 8 hours. I fell asleep on the floor and when rescued was charged for an overnight stay . . .

My doctor put me on a gluten free diet. And said to get a gluten free a dog . . .

My friend published his dog’s autobiography – “My Life on Paws”. I read it. I’m not talking in front of that animal anymore . . .